It's so weird when you look back on your life and see how much you've changed. Me I've changed a little for the best, and a little for the worst. I've hurt people i care about, gained some good friends, found a perfect guy. I used to be that depressed emo cutter in the corner. Now I'm slowly realizing there's stuff to live for. That if you just wait, something good will come along. I've got great friends and a lot of them are where I was at last year. I wish I could b there for them but I don't always know how. I don't even know what my point for writing this is. I just wish they'd let me in and let me help.

yeah of course another new boyfriend. Adam.

No one cares. He's the only reason the scars faded and he;'s the reason they're coming back. Wish I could have one more chance to prove i'd never hurt him agian, to prove lvoe never ended. Wishing something would end my life and I could be free. Wishing he'd still love me.

I've never been more depressed, not when rejected, not when told i'd never be wanted. But now... this is a new type of pain. I know it's not his fault and I have no one to blame but myself, I just wish I hadn't been so stupid. I'm hopelessly in love and nothing can get me over it. He says maybe one day, but we both know it's not gonna happen. He's gonna be with someone who can make him happy and doesn't stupidly lose him like i did. He's probably reading this now and he knows it's about ihm, but frankly idc nemore. I'm insanely in love and nothings gonna help. you don't have to care. But you need to know that those few months with you were the best of my life.

Have you ever screwed something on a "spur of the moment thought" and then majorly regretted it? I hurt the guy I love, fucked things up with us as friends and basically ended up depressing myself. I didnt realize how much I love and need him, but now it's too late, and all I want is to get him back. Colton if you're reading this, i'm sorry.